I like key lime pie.

So I'm sitting here and thinking about how amazing my husband person is and how much he does not give me the jibbly jibblies or the hibbly beeblies. *rolls eyes* Yes yes I read a sad book....I know I shouldn't. Gets me all weepy. Stupid book with its stupid ending where the stupid girl dies all stupid-like hahaha. But seriously it was sad. Makes me realize how much of a drooling nutjob I'd be if the husband person were not here to make sure I drink enough water and get plenty of rest. Oh and he reminded me it's Shrek 4 not 3...I was confused (what else is new) but yes that's the one I wanna see. My tummy is all upset and I feel a little like an acorn.

And I suppose our visit with the sister and her....boy....pal.....? Anyway I suppose that wasn't too unbearable today because the food was good and the movie was entertaining. I just feel so stifled when they're here because I can't curse and twitch and spy on the neighbors and guzzle coffee as is normal for someone of my mental state. She's a sweetie and deserves better and he ...well....he's a d-bag that deserves worse. I don't think he even said thank you for the...OH DAMN IT STUPID SMOKE ALARM......I hate that stupid thing. We change the batteries and within a month it goes off again and it's super loud and no there is no fire. I just jumped a mile. I think I broke my coccyx.

Well it's been a hoot but it's time for me to think about ladybugs now. Interesting little buggers.

Heartfelt Ramble Bunnies!

So my mom was having one of her usual freak out fests this evening...saying (among many other slightly delusional but amusing pearls of wisdom) that my husband should sell car parts to South America so we can live in Florida? I don't know either but I'm sure it makes sense in a parallel universe. She also disagreed with everything I said about everything so I ended up simply saying "Yup" and "Sure thing" until she stopped. Then she proceeded to tell me that  my brother is getting a new job, will fix his car, find a nice girl, go to counseling, and that their basement is almost clean! For those of you reading this (all two of you!) these are things my mom has been saying for over 8 years and not one of those things has ever come to fruition. She then asked me if my classes were finished even though she'd already commented on my final grades....

Moving on....I really like seahorses, pine trees, macaroni and cheese, anything highly caffeinated (can you fucking tell? ahahaha), and shadow puppets. I do not however like people who are obnoxious and smelly and loud, much like our next door neighbors! I wish we had a balcony but I don't want a two-story house...figure that one out. No don't. Also this book I'm reading is a hoot and a holler. I'm up to the part where the guy and the girl are being chased by the weird demonic guy who's a serial killer and then there's these ghosts and something about a wedding and a weird time space continuum issue going on. I wish I knew how to knit! I like this song. I should dust the computer room again - it's getting oogey in here. I don't like dusting because it requires moving things and because I'm a perfectionist and always see dust so it makes me depressed to dust and not get it all. Our cat is being super cute right now. I'm thirsty.

Oh did I tell you? I hate shoe shopping and clothes shopping but I'll probably have to do both before the wedding in August so that's gonna give me shingles I bet. Or at the very least a bad case of the hibblie jibblies. Especially JC Pennys what the fuck is up with that shit? You walk in there and are bombarded by a putrid smell and neon blazers. And the music! Seriously if you wanted me to just turn around and leave than you have succeeded! Tools! Ok and what is up with the women's section...then 50 other useless sections like fucking tablecloths and broken plastic flowers and THEN women's dresses....why are they not together? Why do I have to go traipsing through this godforsaken store to find some neat stylish garments that will make me feel fun and fashionable while not breaking the budget!?  It makes me want to cry into a cheese calzone!

So I'm pretty psyched about our sister coming over on Saturday for some fucking pot roast it's gonna be hot! Then to see Shrek 3 because I swing that way and then to have the hubble bubble home on Monday! I'm psyched about that because maybe I can talk him into taking me to that fucking pottery barn store. Or maybe I should wait until my birthday next Saturday. I'm not excited about getting older but I am excited about ....food I guess. And my lemon cake! And maybe going to that fucking pottery barn. They're expensive but make me feel sophisticated so fuck off! Just kidding! Kisses! Hey we should all get together to watch that special that was on TV back in the late 1980's about those nuns in that nunnery somewhere in France cycling in bed because they were anorexic Does anyone else remember that? That was so super! We should all get the DVD.

I should probably get a job of some sort instead of being such a damn slacker. I'm just so busy being a slacker I hardly have time for much else! Except for the things I do well : Worry and Fret, Wiggle, Giggle, and Eat! I sleep well too but only when I'm not busy doing other awesome stuff. Hey I think old antique postcards are awesome. Do you? I know!! I wish I had my own antique store because killing two beebs with one stone : people-watching and making money. I'm hungry. I may have some cereal and strawberries as long as it doesn't push me over my calories for the day.  Why the fuck is spellcheck telling me strawberries doesn't exxist? Really smartass? Then what are these? *OM NOM NOM* seriously it's all 'straw' 'bear' 'berries' 'Brazil' damn it!

Speaking of Brazil I saved a spider today that was stuck between the screen and the window but really I didn't because it could get out on its own but it was real cute and furry and had beady little million eyes and was all 'hello' and I was all 'what's up!?' because spiders are friendly. He's back again between the glass and screen and just hangs out looking in. It's sorta like having a stalker that you don't mind seeing you! Sometimes at night before bed I turn the flashlight on and aim it at the wall and practice making shadow shapes! I like that!
See Ya!

Dearest Boggy

So just some fun facts I've been pondering while looking at my reflection in my spoon. Grades are due Monday morning. It is Sunday at almost 11am and I still have one assignment from the GA that has not been graded. Maybe she should pull her head out of her ass and do her job instead of mumbling about the difference between professional ability and academic proficiency. Bitch. I swear some people should just become allergic to oxygen. And another thing. I really wanna go back to this book sale today because I got a whole bunch of awesome kiddo books yesterday for a total of like $20! But it's going to open today after church as we all know what sorts of fucktarded assburgers will be pushing their way in front of me during that hot mess. I really wanna go back though. Maybe I can just paint a pentagram on my forehead to keep everyone from hassling me until I can get all the books I want. Then I'll whip out some soap and wash off the pentagram and be all "HAHA! Tools! It was all an elaborate hoax!" Although really why wash it off? It may help when grocery shopping at Target too. We are in the bible belt after all!

Also, we're having pork roast for dinner which I'm really psyched about because I enjoy eating dead animals but not the ones you find when you go hiking on the Appalachian Trail. That damn game I swear I always died of fucking Dysentery! Really? Come on what about something original like Leprosy with a touch of Schizophrenia-induced self-harm? Or the dreaded 1950's hostess disease. All you'd do is stand by the front door asking if you could take people's jackets and direct them to sit in the parlor while you prepare a nice meal of fucking green bean pudding and meatloaf made entirely of Wesson Oil from 1994 and Spam. Which brings me to my next thought. I'm getting ready to read some shitty book by Dean Koontz called Odd Thomas about some dumb shit who can see demons and tries to catch a serial killer or maybe it's about WW2 I didn't really read the reviews too closely. All I know is it better be better than that fucking The Great Gilly Hopkins book. That book was such a bunch of deep-fried..... so anyway......

And what is up with the new Chabinos (whom we now call Bitchface) putting lights on her house that shine brighter than the workmen from Chernobyl? Really? You think I want your ugly face illuminated at midnight when I'm trying to look in your bedroom windows from the safety of my computer room window? You're damn right I don't! I wish I had some trees in the backyard because I want one of those humming bird feeders but not the expensive glass ball ones because those are a little too high-brow for the likes of this ghetto! I wonder if lemon trees would grow here? I guess if it gets too hot outside it would turn the lemon trees into ...lemon baked...ya know...goodies. For my birthday I'm getting an iced lemon cake you know why? It's because I'm awesome. No you dumb shit it's because I like lemon-flavored stuff. God. Oh and I made my own cinnamon flavored coffee yesterday with the help of my guardian and it's really good. One of the books I bought yesterday was "I Wish I Had Duck Feet" KICK ASS! I love that song. Crap I just sneezed on my keyboard. Well at least it's cleaner now!
Toodles!
P.S. I swear to God if you don't post my grades soon I will hunt you down and ask you politely to please post them soon. You don't want that.

First Post

Well who the fuck farts in the bed anyway?